Three courageous approaches for your Big Dream

I had finished work on a book proposal. This was a proposal that I had known I wanted to write. And then I put it off. And then I thought, “I should work on that.” And then I put it off.

Why? The work wasn’t ready.

Also? There was some fear that I wasn’t really being conscious about.

An interviewer recently asked me how one tells the difference between actual, true, “not being ready/it’s not the right time,” and when fear is telling you that it’s “not ready” as a delay tactic.

This is a really, really good question. To answer it, I turn to the concept of “Somatic Awareness.”

Somatic Awareness

Somatic Awareness is learning to recognize what sensations in your body mean what. You can actually learn that the sensation of fear in your body has a slightly different flavor than the sensation of “not right timing.” Get present enough, and you’ll start to see how guilt and shame are different sensory experiences. Attachment/ “wanting to be right” feel different in the body than being frank or straightforward. Integrity feels different than rationalizing.

Some people would call this “trusting your gut” or “using your intuition.” Whatever you call it, it all has to do with getting present to what’s happening within you. What the sensation feels like in my own body is different than yours, so I can’t propose a road map (i.e., it would be impossible for me to say “that sensation in your upper right stomach means XYZ” for all people). What I can do is guide someone in practices that help them to tap into that somatic awareness and learn what it means, for them.

What’s your truth? And instead of trying to verbalize it, what sensations do you notice? What do those sensations in your body “tell” you? This is the type of thing that I love to work on with coaching clients, particularly because…well, I just don’t think our bodies lie. They’re pretty accurate with giving us feedback. When one of my clients gains confidence in her Somatic Awareness, I know that she’s just gained a powerful tool in totally trusting herself.

So What’s Next?

Let’s say that right now, you’re seeing how you’ve done this in your own life. You’ve told yourself a million times that you’ll start… being more patient with your partner, stop comparing yourself to other people on the internet, start a yoga practice, or…write a book proposal. Everyone’s got something. You have all the good intentions, but then you don’t do it. Fear is totally at work.

So what do you do?

I wish that I could say something less glib, but it’s this: you simply start. That’s what I needed to do. I set a deadline for submitting the proposal (today) and then I blocked out time on my calendar, and then I started.

Three Courageous Approaches

Here are three things I did that made “starting” much easier:

#1: Reframing the idea of a “deadline.” My definition of “deadline” is anything that I do my absolute best to finish by an intended date. I rarely beat myself up with future-tripping over the possibility of missing a deadline, because I have released (most) of my internal narratives that it means anything bad about me if I miss a deadline. Paradoxically, this means that I make 99.9% of all deadlines, because I don’t spend a lot of time in fear or overwhelm about them.

Set a deadline. Do your best. Understand that no children in third world countries die if you do miss your deadline. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or a failure, either. You do your best, and you let go.

#2: I made it fun. I listened to good music, and I read about other people who had had success submitting their proposals, to bolster myself.

Also fun? Reveling in all that I’ve done. Actually going through the process of assessing all the places where I’ve guest posted, all the times I’ve had a speaking engagement, the collaborative interviews, and all the people I’ve worked with, made me feel puffed up n’ proud. Sometimes to remember that we’re capable of doing the next big thing on our list, we need to remember how many things we’ve already done.

There’s a little girl within who grew up wondering what she was capable of, and perpetually feeling inadequate and afraid. There was a sense of tender celebration as I realized just how much I have done.

#3: I was grounded in my truth: acceptance of the proposal does not equal my success or worth as a person.

Lemmetellyasomethin’: This wasn’t the first time I’d worked on this proposal. It had been rejected, before.

This is the first time that I’ve ever been open on the internet about working on and submitting a proposal. Why? Because the thought of making big announcements about such things before, and potentially having to admit months later that the book wasn’t picked up? That horrified me. I would have been too embarrassed to admit to anyone who asked that I’d been…rejected.

Today, I understand that whether the proposal is accepted or not has nothing to do with my worth as a person. If it’s not accepted, my day-to-day life changes very little.

We take ourselves with us, wherever we go. My pleasure in an accepted book proposal would only be genuine if it were rooted in excitement about the work itself, and it would always be false if a published book would equal “something” about me: That I were smart enough or talented enough; that other people would like me or look up to me; that it would mean I’d get money or recognition.

So in essence? The three courageous approached for your big dream could be summarized as: Get to work (with a deadline), Make it fun, and Don’t make it mean something about your success or worth.

Whatever your dream is, if you can take action, make it fun, and not tie anything to your “success” or “worth” in life, you’ll actually be the one winning even if the exact goal post doesn’t materialize.

P.S. This post was originally written in 2013. I would end up being another 3 years before I’d secure my first book proposal with a traditional publisher: The Courage Habit. Now named a “Top Book on Habits” and endorsed by several New York Times best-selling authors? I’d say it was worth it!