Compassion is in order

A thought: what if we just...stopped? Slowed down? Got honest?

Pretend the following words are written by you, to you:

Dear friend,I just want you to know that I’m really aware of all the places where I fail or screw things up, even if I pretend otherwise. In fact I’m so aware, that it hurts in places I’m afraid to name.I’d enormously appreciate it if you’d trust that any places where I have rough edges are unintentional, and that I’m just doing the best I can.Love, Me.

And then, having given ourselves this kind of open-hearted compassion, what if...what if we imagined that every single person we encountered, was in need of this letter, too? Only what if every person we encountered needed this letter not just to themselves from themselves, but also...to them, from you?

In other words, how much more compassion can we extend if we truly believe that compassion is in order?

Let’s pretend that you’re at the supermarket and you just saw a mom snap at her kids and you're right at that moment where you’re going to write off the woman as a bad mother. Or let's pretend that your partner just flaked on something they said they'd do, and you're struggling to not remind your partner of how many times they've screwed up before. Or perhaps you're reading something on the internet that you vehemently disagree with, and you know you've got that just-right perfect thing to say to put that person in their place.

Let’s take a deep breath.

Pause.

What happens if you imagine that somewhere deep down, the woman at the supermarket, your partner, that person on the internet, desperately wishes you'd extend compassion towards them. They just don't know how to say that to you, in so many words.

You can try it out--fill in the words they wish they could say--“I’d enormously appreciate it if you’d trust that any places where I have rough edges are unintentional, and that I’m just doing the best I can.”

I'd like to see us all... just...stop with writing off our co-habitants on this earth. Stop canceling. Stop assuming that people are beyond hope of change. Stop seeing someone as the same person they were a year ago. Stop thinking the way to get someone to change is to judge them (or scream and yell at them in all caps) until they finally see the error of their ways.

Compassion is in order. Do you believe this? Do you wish compassion were extended to you? Because if you do...you're also going to have to understand how to extend it to others.

Compassion Is In Order

When compassion is in order, we find it within ourselves to muster up more love than we can imagine.

Go ahead and start learning about compassion, with giving compassion to yourself. It’s not selfish, and in fact it’s the best place to start. Then start noticing that moment when you’re about to judge someone as not doing enough, doing things wrong, aggravating as hell, totally and completely WRONG in their opinions.

Pause.

Fact: Yeah, maybe they could do it better. You could be totally right about that. But right now, they’re not.

And speaking of "doing it better"? If you know that compassion is important, and you rush to judge someone...you also could be doing it better. And if it feels hard to "do it better" in the area of offering compassion to the people who most activate you, then maybe (just maybe) it's also hard for them to imagine doing anything differently in their own lives, too.

Sometimes, you don’t do it better even when you “know better,” too. An example of such a time would be in those moments when you’re aware that compassion is an option, but you choose to judge someone anyway.

Sit with that place for a moment--the place where you are human and know better but don’t always do it better.

Practicing compassion is tricky. It's hard to know the difference between practicing compassion versus being a doormat. They are different. We will all fumble with trying to discern the difference.

Compassion has to start with ourselves, because that's where we learn it best. Then we extend it outward.

In case no one has given you compassion, today? You deserve to be loved up. You deserve something better than being written off, for your mistakes. You deserve better than people assuming you'll never change. You deserve better than someone employing a strategy with you of judging you until you change.

So let’s just bring on the compassion, starting with ourselves; let’s make it the hottest game in town. Go forth, love big.